Morning, world...
Yes, i just woke up.. have to woke up because i will be alone at home, and it will be disastrous if i were to oversleep.. Anyways, woke up feeling so much lighter.. not as bad as how i felt for the past few days..though there are still some unknown heaviness in my heart which is quite disturbing.. but yea, i am feeling so much better.. all thanks to those who were there - physically or mentally..
Anyways, had a very very weird dream just now.. a weird and i-can-still-remember dream.. usually we cant remember our dreams when we wake up.. but for some reason, this weird dream of mine is still floating in existence in my mind. (not sure if this is the right sentence structure but yea..) It went like...
"I was supposed to attend some event or outing.. Was trying to find the place and i got lost.. the worst thing was that no one was with me..): so i started to walk up and down the area.. and this guy noticed me.. He was in a very big and posh black car.. not sure of the name, but the front of the car was quite big.. the guy the the car - with long curl hair like Zhang Fei, and bushy beard with like Santa but is black - he stopped the car in front of me when i was trying to figure out the location i was at. He asked me if i've lost my way, and he asked me to get into the car and he will give me a lift.. and as i went in the car, before i could look at the interior design of the car..
i woke up.. by my mum. -.- WASTED SIA!!!! but yea, a very funny dream that is really weird.. LOLs! and what should i do not? lols.. maybe just take a rest and prepare for work.. i have to make a choice for my attachment already, thank God i have some ideas of what i want..
I always have an idea of what i want..
unless it is related to a material..
just hoping that....
iDestinee.
He works.. indeed..
Guess what? i finally couldnt make it, and broke down.
cried during work yesterday.. times really getting very hard.. such that i cant find a room for a breather..
Right from the start, i already have a very bad feeling about this posting, and maybe that's what the mind tells me, i've really been struggling on that. only after 2.5mths then i realised.
wonderful..
not gonna eleborate, cause that makes me feel useless..
But indeed, God is good. He knows i am struggling and needed people who will support and strengthen me..
I just came back after meeting 4 awesome people. A big thanks to Uncle Turkey Ruben, Renfred, Gloria and Xavier pig! wahahas.. specially meeting me up and just fellowship.. that made me really forget about the unhappy things tt i've been going through.. especially Ruben who really enlighten me from many things despite the very short meeting..
after then, went to NYP - a long time never go back place - to meet Renfred, and had lunch there. went down to town for perfume hunting. found some nice perfumes that i thought of getting some time soon.. and that cause me to "forget" the time to meet Gloria. Renfred and i then rushed down like mad to meet her.. SO SORRY GLORIA!!!! but yea, had a short chat, and hang out at one very expensive shop selling very interesting materials..
then meeting Xavier was another fun thing.. walked the entire JP while thinking about what to eat. and went to carls jr. didnt finish my food, maybe i am too used to eating lesser these days.. ON DIET~ anyways, walked around again.. fun and funny..
Just wana thank these people for being there when i needed someone..
there are others who also were concerned about me. and i really appreciate all those who were there.
Anyways.. some people know my toe is injured. unless you see it, you wont know how my toe looks now. so i am going to upload it! ahas! if u think its gross, then don see it ok! hahas.. just wana be random..
and randomness do bring me out of the realm of stress... just left me be...
I know my toe is ugly.. but see the bruised?
photo didint show too well, but it is really purple and swollen..
don believe, ask those who have seen it.. hahas!
Thankful to Him..
thankful to people who are there..
i will try.. to hang on..
iDestinee.
Am i losing my smile? Yea, its getting abit harder to smile now...
Many times, i feel so inferior..
so blank that i don know what i am doing..
These days, i feel as though i wana just run away, giving up my 12-yr dream..
despite the fact that i am only less than a month to fulfill my dream..
have been doing things and missing out things...
this is something that has never happened to me at all. Never.
and i have no idea why that is happening, and what's wrong with me.
it is so bad that i am getting really frustrated at myself.
really angry at myself every single time something happen.
they should not happen.
and really, i am starting to doubt myself.
everytime when i think of that, i really feel like crying lo..
which i did.
these few days when i was on my way home, tears start swelling up whenever i think about myself.
totally different from what i used to visualise myself to me.
Competent, clear-minded.
Totally different.
Am trying to find a way to buck myself up, but its kinda difficult.
The other thing is..
i have to choose my ward already. Having some argument within my mind.
Obviously my mind and heart are not in sync.
Awesome.
I need some strength.. feeling really tired already.
seriously, i am really tired...
iDestinee.
Arghhh.. my mail is still not working..
My mail has been crazy for the past few months i think. its so inconvenient la! iderttt..!!!! i need it especially when i blog. arghh.. never mind, will go and get it fixed up one day.. (:
Anyways, just finished watching the last episode of 海派甜心! its so nice! touching to the max. make me think alot while watching this show, about my love life.
喜欢和爱是不一样的。你可以喜欢很多人，
但最后，你只是一个人。
爱就不一样了，因为到了那个时候，
你不会是一个人，是两个人。
Something really true eh? hahas.. heart matter is something we can fool people, but not our very own heart. loads of thoughts came into my mind while watching this drama. teared and laughed with the characters, at the same time, thinking back or even dreaming about the story happening in reality.. lols. so lame a thought..
went for make up cellgroup meeting with HaoHan's cg on Friday evening. met up with the bunch of used-to-be-very-close members. felt really comfortable and nice. awesome. had a good interaction with them too.. miss those people. (:
The best thing was, i didnt really attend service this week lor. Met up with some friends ard 8pm at Orchard, so had to leave early. but the P&W was awesome.(:
Meeting up with friends was awesome. Went to Heaven's Loft for a good dinner...
and went to Highlander @CQ. had another time of fun and drank abit. hahas! :D
不想要一个人。。。
iDestinee.
就算全世界都反对， 我也要和你在一起。。。
I am currently in love with the drama 海派甜心.. all thanks to Esther, i got so addicted that i finished the available episodes. 13 of them. cried no less than 5times throughout the whole series. hahas..
Like what Esther has mentioned about the story, i really love the things they do together and stuff like that. so sweet and all. its just so awesome.
yet, its just so sad when everything changes. the heartbreak and all..
the twists and all.. so pekchek, yet so heartbreaking. yet, a little feeling of sweetness.. the love between them..
Anyways, starting night shift later.. feel so weird, anxious yet looking forward to it..
how will everything be later? doing all the junior works and stuff.. hahas.. but i am going to be sure my mind will be about the drama.. =x
How will my love story be?
iDestinee.
Miss the open area where i can breathe..
been really tired these days.
a place where i can be alone...
Where should i go?
I finally get my form to choose the location i want to work in. seriously, i am not sure where i really want to go, since i have places where i love the people yet, not the discipline.. 3 allocations, but 4 preferences!!! my goodness, seriously man. I am in such a dilemma.. ):
OT is an interesting place but minimal nursing care, free on weekends (add points to that! )!! (: ED is really awesome with the workload and people, and its one of the areas i am interested in. And you get to see everything and anything..
Neuro is a discipline that i love love love alot.. its just so interesting to me, but i don know how things are like over there.. it'll be a risk if i choose to be there..
Hae is a new found interest after working there for a mth and a half. very interesting discipline that starts to interest me as well, all the BMT and blood conditions. Besides, you will know the patients too.. sense of closeness where patients will visit the ward and the nurses when they come for follow-ups. this is what i like about nursing.. the relationship with patients..
I am needing some opinions from people, cause i really have no idea where i wana go now.. lols. and, i only left with 13 days to decide, not 5 weeks!!!!! OMGGG!! Stressed...
Anyways, been receiving alot from people around me..Thank God for that, cause i am really broke to the max. anyways, for the past 1 month, i've got my iPhone (got it on 23dec), new shoes, new clothes.. and guess what? I GOT MY CONTACT LENSES also!!!! Cant wait to 打扮美美 again.. its been long since i looked my best
when i completed my last set of contact lenses.. Gonna start next week.. whee~
Super happy la.. don have to wear a pair of spoilt spectacles.. =x
And.. this year is such a good year till now.. blessings alot alot. and we've also got a new land for our church building.. and despite being so broke now, i keep receiving from people who love me.. (: Will continue to be broke till april.. But i always believed that latter will be better, and i am still believing in that.. till then, it will be my turn to bless, and do more shopping!! More nice nice clothes and look pretty!!! (:
Things, people and events may change, but the memories that's within will never change...
iDestinee.
